Do you and your significant other have trouble talking to one another?
Are you finding it difficult to spend time together due to your penchant for conflict avoidance, disagreement, and/or miscommunication?
Have you made it your goal to resume talking and strengthen your relationship via better communication?
Then let us walk you through these 7 essential steps to repairing your relationship’s broken lines of communication.
Table of Contents
Where Did You Go Wrong?
If you’re lucky, that burning love, will be there from the very beginning of your relationship, allowing you to quickly achieve a harmonious balance between your two passions.
All it takes is a quiet dinner for two to share a long look and a knowing grin, establishing a solid bond and sharing intimate thoughts and feelings.
This expedites defining the disagreement and arriving at a mutually agreeable resolution.
To sum up, talking between two people who love one another is easy and unforced right from the start.
Over the course of time, however, love must continually confront itself.
Tiredness seeps in and compromises our connections with others as we go about our daily routines of grocery shopping, housework, childrearing, and employment.
Our tempers shorten, our reprimands get harsher, and our apologies arrive later and later.
Even a string of seemingly little missteps may eventually drive a couple apart.
How can you get back on that same page as your partner?
If you’re ready to take a closer look at your communication with your partner, I’ve laid down the 7 most essential elements to effective couple communication and provided you with actionable coaching tools to put them to the test.
Showing empathy for your spouse is the first step in improving your communication with them.
To express oneself clearly, one must be capable of speaking softly and listening attentively to one another with empathy. Improving communication in a relationship starts with understanding the other person entirely.
You need to do upstream work with a coach if you cannot empathize with your partner and see things from their perspective.
Whether or not you’re afraid to be questioned, it’s time to think about your strong opinions.
What helps you live, and what holds you back? This is the first step in fixing your relationship’s communication problems.
Acknowledging the other person’s individuality is essential as a means of communication.
There is no universally accepted method of self-expression, and some people have it far more accessible than others.
Different people have different perspectives on the world because of cognitive biases.
The latter influence how we see the world: certain tendencies make us focus on the negative, others induce us to generalize, and others make us obsess on a little point.
If one partner in a marriage seems to have doubts about your assessment of what is proper or incorrect, it is crucial to talk things over.
When talking to someone you care about, it helps to put yourself in their shoes.
Attempting to empathize with the other person and considering how they may be feeling is a necessary step in having a respectful conversation.
By making an effort to learn about the other person, you improve your chances of successfully interacting with him.
Let’s look at an illustration:
Let’s say your partner has a trait you really despise: they cannot in any way force themselves on their parents.
You will inevitably reprimand him harshly when he acts this way again, leading to further tension, hostility, and fury.
Your opponent misinterprets your reply as an act of aggression and reacts accordingly by taking up a defensive stance, whether by retreating, defending himself, or even initiating the conflict themselves.
Getting Through Disconnect in Communication.
Both partners must talk about their feelings about the issue at hand if the couple ever gets beyond the current impasse in their communication.
Everyone responds as best they can with what they have available; there is no right or wrong answer.
We tend to focus only on our pain and suffering a lot of the time. If we can’t understand the other person’s response, it might be a significant cause of tension.
What would happen if we attempted to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes?
What may be possible if we took the effort to put ourselves in the shoes of this “other,” within his head?
Understanding one’s own needs (self-empathy) and those of others (others’ empathy) is made possible by the empathy characteristic.
The fight then has no “victors” or “losers,” no “bad men” or “good ones,” and no balance of power. It’s time for some grownups to talk to one other.
The second step to effective pair communication is to converse with one another.
I don’t understand why it frustrates me so much that my husband can’t stand up for himself to his folks.
Exactly how do I feel about this circumstance? How did I think this way, and how did it cause me to act?
Do I feel fulfilled?
If you want to improve your relationship with your partner, I suggest you start by talking to yourself.
Writing down your ideas might assist with this internal conversation.
By recording your feelings and thoughts, you may better understand them, appreciate their significance, and work with them to improve your life.
Once this routine has been established, having a peaceful conversation with your partner will be much less challenging.
There are moments when we have difficulty engaging in that internal conversation.
We’re not quite sure what we want or why we feel the way we do. Then, we need an objective third party, such as a life coach, to assist us in gaining perspective.
You’ll both benefit from a deeper understanding of one another and improved communication after working with a coach as a couple.
Third, use nonviolent communication strategies to enhance your relationship.
Select an intimate time when both people are calm and receptive to one another.
With the aid of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a communication strategy developed by Marshall B. Rosenberg focused on language and interactions, you may approach the sensitive topic you want to discuss respectfully.
Empathy, sincerity, and accountability are the hallmarks of “aware communication,” another name for this trend. The goal is to openly discuss their innermost thoughts and emotions to encourage their partner to do the same.
Please use this CNV question guide’s technique to help you and your partner get back on good talking terms.
The coaching tool: While seated side by side (to prevent the “face to face” postural encounter), everyone will have the opportunity to experience the 4 phases of the tool.
The two of you will sit in front of a blank piece of paper and compete to see who can be honest with themselves and their writing partner as they complete the remaining phrases.
- When you say/do that (make fun of me/not assist with the housework/etc.)
- I’m experiencing (frustration, embarrassment, rage, sadness, etc.)
- I should be (listening, respectful, independent, etc.).
- Do you anticipate being able to…. (be available once a week for a romantic meal for two; take care of the housekeeping once a week; suggest that we massage the body before bedtime twice a week; etc.)
Since it’ll be written down, the two characters may take their time picking out the perfect words to convey their emotions. The more precise it is, the fewer questions will be raised.
Once everyone is completed, you may take turns reading aloud what they have written.
To get the most out of this exercise, you should refrain from talking over the other person and instead focus on what they have to say.
He’ll pay attention to what you have to say in return. After the tool, you and your partner make a pact to accommodate your spouse’s every want.
I’m curious about what you see as the biggest obstacle while using this resource.
What does it make possible? What positive changes may it bring to the way the couple talks?
Learning to actively listen to one another.
Many of the individuals I travel with express frustration that their partner does not pay enough attention to them.
Talking to yourself, knowing that the other person isn’t paying attention to you, and not being interrogated all contribute to a sense of isolation.
It’s a crushing sensation to think you’re not interested in you’re significant other enough for him to listen.
Saddening to our pride. No one is talking to anybody since both are in their own little worlds.
At some point, the two lovers grow apart because of the loneliness they each experience.
We will remark that we “no longer understood each other,” that we “no longer shared anything,” or some other such phrase.
While all of this is true, it is seldom the primary cause of the tension that ultimately leads to the breakup.
These are the results of misunderstandings and miscommunication. Fortunately, it takes effort to communicate well. Phew!
How would you rate the listening ability in your relationship on a scale from 0 to 10?
Is it a number that suits your needs?
If that’s the case, then congrats!
If it isn’t already, where on the scale do you want to put the slider so that you and your partner can communicate effectively?
What, if anything, do you think your relationship might benefit if you were better listeners?
What kind of utterances would be made public?
To improve your listening skills as a pair, you must first recognize the obstacles you and your partner face.
If listening is crucial to effective couple communication, I’d want to know what things are getting in the way of your attentive listening.
Why can’t you and your significant other seem to focus on each other right now?
That pesky phone of yours that never stops ringing?
What is it with social networks and their constant notifications?
What’s that in the background?
The TV, perhaps? Series on Netflix that’s guaranteed to put you to sleep? Pressures from outside, like kids, work, or nosy neighbors?
Once you’ve identified the “primary enemy” of listening in your relationship, you may begin to establish boundaries.
Spend time just listening to yourself and your partner. Your relationship can only benefit from better communication.
Talking it out as a pair
The fifth principle is to prioritize your relationship and work on improving your communication skills.
We can’t stress this point enough: if you really care about your partner, make yourself available to them.
Do something kind for yourself: Escape your busy schedules and spend quality time together.
Pick something you can enjoy together, like a meal at a nice restaurant, a hike in the woods, or a drink of wine on the terrace.
Because you can’t expect effective communication until you make room for it. Make yourself available and give yourself time. There were no distractions—no kids, no phones, no television—just the two.
However, this face-to-face interaction has the risk of becoming frightening at times.
When a couple’s ability to communicate has been strained for some time, it’s natural to wonder what they could finally be able to discuss without miscommunication.
Concern about communication breakdown, awkwardness, the potential for argument, etc.
These worries are all reasonable in their own ways.
However, if you want to enhance your relationship via better communication, you’ll need to go beyond your reservations.
If the prospect of a conversation makes you uncomfortable, try doing something together where you can still interact without having to talk.
Activities such as playing a sport, walking, or seeing a movie together provide communication when words are less important than the shared experience.
Use body language as a means of communication
Not to mention the following structure for our conversations was predicted in 1967 by UC Berkeley emeritus professor of psychology Albert Mehrabian research:
Only seven per cent of our interactions are verbal (through the meaning of words)
In most cases, people use their voices to communicate (38%). (intonation and sound of the vote)
Roughly 55% of all messages are conveyed visually (facial expressions and body language).
Meaningless verbal exchanges would ensue.
So, effective relationship communication doesn’t need each partner to be a natural orator.
Leave the flowery language alone; there are plenty of other methods to make your point.
Take a couple’s Argentine tango lesson, and embrace each other softly when you see each other after work.
Smile knowingly at your partner as you listen to him, stroll hand in hand, speak softly, and make passionate love while gazing into each other’s eyes, etc.
The term “communication” refers to the exchange of information that may be conveyed to another in more than simply spoken words.
The sixth secret to a happy marriage is learning to speak your partner’s and your emotional language.
Marriage counsellor and bestselling author Gary Chapman claims that we all speak distinct emotive languages.
We couldn’t say “I love you” to each other since our languages are too different.
Conflicts in marriage, “lost” communication, and a sense of being unwanted may all stem from fundamental differences in how people express themselves.
In our relationship, we don’t always use the exact words to describe our feelings for one another.
When we want to tell our significant other how we feel, we sometimes have to use entirely foreign words.
When one’s expression of love falls on deaf ears, it might have the reverse of the desired effect—disappointment and confusion.
Do you ever feel like you’re trying to communicate with your partner, but they just don’t get it?
Your husband probably felt the same way about you.
When we are talked to in our own emotive language, we feel validated, and our emotional well is replenished.
This made us feel cared for and accepted.
What potential improvements may this knowledge bring to your relationship’s communication if both of you knew the other’s emotive language?
In light of this idea, we may effectively meet one another’s romantic needs.
The five love languages you want to speak right now.
Dr Gary Chapman published The Five Love Languages in 1992, when he invented the phrase “love languages” to describe the fundamentally varied ways we express and receive love in that now-famous book.
But love languages aren’t only for lovers! You may utilize love languages to demonstrate appreciation for colleagues, friends, and partners.
Which of the following best describes how you feel cared for or like to express your appreciation for someone?
- Compliments, encouragement, nice words, forgiveness, and requests are examples of appreciative words.
- High-quality moments include absolute presence, attention, listening, shared activities, and genuine and profound conversations.
- Gifts: a thing having emotional significance, a tangible manifestation of attention, an outward expression of the dynamic link (the market value is of no importance)
- Services rendered: helpers and assistance needing work, time, and energy to satisfy the practical requirements of the other
- Physical contact: touch, attention to the other’s pleasure, listening to the other’s wishes A embrace, a caress, or a sexual relationship
I recommend asking the following three questions to determine your love language:
+ Which of my partner’s words or actions bothers me the most? Behind this pain comes your unheard love language.
+ What do you most want from your partner? Your language of love and its requirements are most likely hidden under your demands and reproaches.
+ How do you usually show your feelings for someone? Your deeds and words of love directed towards your spouse will be able to tell you about your preferred method of showing your love and, as a result, of feeling loved in return.
After you’ve better established your personal love language, I welcome you to explore utilizing this tool to strengthen your communication as a couple;
List the 5 languages of love, ranking them from most significant to least important by imagining yourself in your spouse’s shoes. (Think to yourself, “How does my partner express himself in general?” “How does he show me his love?”).
Then I’ll show you the sheets, and we’ll go through them.
“What do you think about the priorities I set for you?”
Do you agree that you most frequently communicate yourself to me via this language of love? What do you think?
Important: no emotive language is superior to another.
They are just various methods for us to express and communicate our emotions.
I thus encourage you to allow some time to communicate throughout this tool to be done as a pair so that everyone may express themselves in complete generosity.
This tool may be precious to you in this spirit. Improved communication requires a more profound understanding of one another.
What’s The Key to Better Relationship Communication?
We’ve all had to settle accounts inside our couples.
The reproaches converge, the tone increases, the faces close, listening ceases, and our abuse inevitably starts with: “You, you… said that, did that, you’re not enough like that, always do like that!!!”
The epidermal response is usually rapid: in a flurry of emotions and cries, the other sends the ball back to us in the same manner: “And you, you…!!!”
Does it strike a chord with you? 0/20 for couple communication
Don’t be concerned; we’ve all been there.
Interestingly, when these crises occur regularly, the recriminations exchanged weigh and resurface in subsequent encounters.
I urge you to memorize this phrase for calm conversation in your relationship.
When addressing the other person during one of these frantic exchanges, try to avoid using the second person singular as much as possible.
The assault is overwhelmed by the usage of “you”, followed by a rebuke.
This renowned “you” creates a negative box and does not allow for dialogue.
As a result, I encourage you to utilize the word “I” as frequently as feasible. “I believe, I feel, I have this yearning, I want…”
This magical technique enables you to become an actor in charge of how you live and receive external information.
The “I” helps you to communicate your sentiments without overpowering the other person, allowing them to express themselves in return.
The “I” helps the pair share!
After that, why not use the word “we” occasionally?
Do you wish to enhance your communication skills in your relationship?
Suppose poor communication is affecting your romantic connection.
In that case, you may just need a little assistance to transition from a conflicted existence as a couple to a calm partnership where love is communicated serenely.
Do you want to make rapid and tangible progress in your personal and couple’s lives?
Are you ready to look your life in a new, benign, and hopeful light? Are you looking for incredible inner energy?
This might be the moment to seek the assistance of a life coach.
If you, too, have the sensation that you cannot develop excellent communication as a pair and that you are helpless to deal with this problem, I recommend you discuss it over the phone.
This might be the moment to seek assistance in moving ahead fast and effectively.
